"AN ACTUAL CRAIG'S LIST PERSONALS AD
To the Guy Who Tried to Mug Me in Downtown Savannah night before last.
Date: 2010-09-27, 1:43 a.m. E.S.T.
I was the guy wearing the black Burberry jacket that you demanded that I hand over, shortly after you pulled the knife on me and my girlfriend, threatening our lives. You also asked for my girlfriend's purse and earrings. I can only hope that you somehow come across this rather important message.
First, I'd like to apologize for your embarrassment; I didn't expect you to actually crap in your pants when I drew my pistol after you took my jacket.. The evening was not that cold, and I was wearing the jacket for a reason. my girlfriend was happy that I just returned safely from my 2nd tour as a Combat Marine in Afghanistan .. She had just bought me that Kimber Custom Model 1911 .45 ACP pistol for my birthday, and we had picked up a shoulder holster for it that very evening. Obviously you agree that it is a very intimidating weapon when pointed at your head
... isn't it?!
I know it probably wasn't fun walking back to wherever you'd come from with that brown sludge in your pants. I'm sure it was even worse walking bare-footed since I made you leave your shoes, cell phone, and wallet with me. [That prevented you from calling or running to your buddies to come help mug us again].
After I called your mother or "Momma" as you had her listed in your cell, I explained the entire episode of what you'd done. Then I went and filled up my gas tank as well as those of four other people in the gas station, -- on your credit card. The guy with the big motor home took 153 gallons and was extremely grateful!
I gave your shoes to a homeless guy outside Vinnie Van Go Go's, along with all the cash in your wallet. [That made his day!]
I then threw your wallet into the big pink "pimp mobile" that was parked at the curb .... after I broke the windshield and side window and keyed the entire driver's side of the car.
Later, I called a bunch of phone sex numbers from your cell phone. Ma Bell just now shut down the line, although I only used the phone for a little over a day now, so what 's going on with that? Earlier, I managed to get in two threatening phone calls to the DA's office and one to the FBI, while mentioning President Obama as my possible target. The FBI guy seemed really intense and we had a nice long chat (I guess while he traced your number etc.).
In a way, perhaps I should apologize for not killing you ... but I feel this type of retribution is a far more appropriate punishment for your threatened crime. I wish you well as you try to sort through some of these rather immediate pressing issues, and can only hope that you have the opportunity to reflect upon, and perhaps reconsider, the career path you've chosen to pursue in life.. Remember, next time you might not be so lucky. Have a good day!
Thoughtfully yours, Semper Fi,
Alex"
First off, Snopes disproved this. It never happened.
That being said, I think that it is AWESOME!
As some of you know, I am a shorter blonde with a big smile and bubbly personality. To most, I am not threatening... and I may seem to be an easy target. I work right next to a bar, and I've been heckled and hit on... which is no problem. To cut to the chase, I am expected to eventually be threatened, attacked or mugged.
Not only am I expecting it to one day happen, I'm ready for it. I carry a wonderful accessory that I think more citizens should carry... a 45 Caliber pistol. My 45 is no joke.... is is nearly the size of the hand bag that I carry. Now, though normally I would opt for a weapon that is pink and glittery, my 45 is is cobalt black and gleaming even in the moonlight of the darkest alley.
Info about .45 Caliber Glock (in case you are interested)
Let me also caution any potential muggers out there... I am a damn good shot and I struggle with the idea of 'Shooting to Maim'... I have ALWAYS shot to kill. This is not bragging, this is simply fact. Being a fantastic shot runs on both sides of my family, from the men in the military right on down to my Cajun Grandmother who may be able to outshoot a navy seal sniper. I have not, of course, killed a person (I am not writing this blog from prison, rather from my bedroom) but I would not hesitate to do so if provoked... and I'm fairly sure that I will not lose any significant sleep over it. The way I see it, if you are low enough to attack what you perceive (incorrectly) to be a defenseless woman then you are already the scum of the Earth that no one loves but perhaps your Mama and no one is going to miss you. If you need to steal to make your money or molest/rape a woman to get your rocks off, then I'd likely be doing the world a favor and save the good tax payers of my state from having to pay for your ridiculous, cowardly ass from sitting in jail and having three square meals per day, air conditioning, and full cable on colored tvs (My angst with 'jail' will have to be discussed in a future blog).
So, in short, if you think that what this fictitious Marine did is over the top, mean, or even 'gasp' illegal... then I am so sorry that our 2nd Amendment rights are wasted on you. That does not mean that I believe now, nor have I ever believed, that because you do not believe in carrying firearms that you deserve to be victimized. No one deserves to be victimized, though I do believe in a strong since of ironic justice (i.e. a rapist getting raped in jail). I am simply saying that where as being attacked is likely for a high percentage of people, I am not going to make it easy on the unfortunate soul who attempts it on me.
Also, any potential attackers reading, if you think that my gun is something that you can recon with, in typical military wife fashion I must warn you against my husband and in typical Southern Belle/Daddy's girl fashion, I must warn you against my Daddy (Who has a Birthday, Happy Birthday Daddy!). If by chance you make it past my gun (unlikely), there will be no hole anywhere in this world deep enough that you can crawl in to that you can hide from them... and when they find you, God rest your tortured soul. :)
Hopefully, however, no one will try something so stupid. Followers and readers, consider yourself advised... arm yourselves. If you do not like guns, carry a taser, or a knife, or at the least a beasty pepper spray. If nothing else, take a self defense class. I would hate to find out that any of you have fallen victim to an attacker.
Also, a rough quote from Tyler Perry's play/movie 'The Diary of a Mad Black Woman', 'I keep the peace, with my piece..'
I love me some Madea.
I know this was a darker blog today, but sometimes real life is a little on the dark side.
Sweet Tea and Cookies Ya'll!
The Heat Packing, Mrs. Belle.
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