Cursed

I can't stand my life the way that it is. I hate it. I really do. This isn't how things were supposed to be. Maybe I should clearly define what I want out of life so that it is easier to see what I am missing.

I want to be loved, romantically. I want to be respected. I want to be needed. Wanted. I want someone to take the time with me that I take with them. I want my efforts to be recognized. Not saying that I should have a parade for doing things that I should be doing anyway, but it is nice to have someone look at you and say 'I appreciate your hard work' or 'I know that you sacrifice for me... and I would do that for you too in a heartbeat'. Not just the occasional 'thanks' or snide comment made about how I'm holding things over your head.

I don't give because I want to hold it against you later. I give because I love. And, much in the way that I love, when I give I give everything. Just like I love with my whole heart, I give everything of myself. I give and I give and I give until there is nothing left of me to give. Nothing left of me at all but I bare, hollow shell. A cusp. And then, when there is nothing left of me to value, that is when people suddenly realize that there's a problem... they notice when I cannot give them anything else or be useful to them.

The thing is... I didn't used to be so giving. There were years when I would not inconvenience myself for other people. It was selfish and I know that but I didn't feel so used and abused then. I guess by that same token, I wasn't as loving then either. That must have been terrible for my (ex) husband. I owe him a million apologies. I have changed. Deep down, in my very being, I have changed. Most would say for the better, but ultimately this change is a curse. A terrible curse.

I am tired of loving. I am tired of giving. I am tired of this drained, half-human existence that I am living because there isn't enough energy left in me to enjoy my life. My biggest fear used to be that I would grow old and not have enough memories of adventures to keep my mind company in my final years. Now my biggest fear is that I will be so busy being a martyr that I wont think to have any adventures for myself. I went from being selfish to selfless in both extremes and I cannot seem to find any balance.

The rest of the world loves selfless Mrs. Belle. She'll work herself to death for you. Give you the shirt off of her back. Feed you, help you, comfort you. She'll never let you down. She'll tirelessly be there for you. But you wont notice when the spark starts to fade from exhaustion. You wont notice how rarely she'll flat iron her hair or lotion her legs (not until it becomes an inconvenience for you, of course). You wont notice how her favorite hobbies will fade in favor of doing the chores that others hate... the dishes, the laundry, the paperwork. You might notice her spending more time in bed asleep or watching tv, but Hell as long as it doesn't disrupt your day/night, it wont get mentioned. It will get pushed back behind your own needs. Or, if/when it gets brought up, it will be in a negative fashion. "You are so lazy. Why are you always in the bed?" "You don't care about yourself... that's why you never fix your hair." "All you want to do is sleep. You are so boring." What you don't see is how much your words don't help. Instead of pointing out my action and immediately attaching it to you and how you perceive it (because people do this... they tie everything to themselves... their opinions... their reality... after all, that's all that matters right? How the world seems to YOU?) maybe you could take a few minutes and ask yourself WHY? Why is she so tired? Why is she so sad?

Why does she get so angry? Maybe it's because she can't carry her own emotional baggage anymore because she is too busy carrying yours and everyone elses. So yes, she might get angry over 'stupid things'. News Flash. Just because it seems stupid to YOU, doesn't mean that it is. Again, how you view things is not the begin all and end all for the way the world works. Your opinion is NOT the bottom line. If I cry over spilled milk and that seems silly to you, that doesn't mean that it is. Obviously, if it upset me that much, then it means something to ME. So, here are your options. You can be a raving douche as usual, or you can change for one second and try to HELP. You don't have to say anything. A hug will work. But telling me that my feelings are stupid doesn't mean that A) they are or B) that I'm going to stop feeling them. My feelings are my feelings and I cannot change them. If I feel sad, there is no button to turn it off. Or if I feel angry. Or happy. Or any other emotion. There is no simple off switch. If there was, don't you think I would use it to make myself happy? So telling me to 'get over it' or 'I need to figure something out' or 'I'm a weak crybaby'... that doesn't help. Just like it doesn't help if I were to do it to you. How can you not see that? How can you not think to yourself  'well, that probably will not be helpful because it probably wouldn't help me... it's just going to make her situation worse.' But no. Of course not.

Back to my list: I want to be allowed to feel my feelings and not have them belittled. I don't want to be told how stupid I am for not feeling the identical way to someone else. I am me. I can't change who I am or how I feel. So stop trying to make me more like you. Instead, help me adjust to being me because I swear that I've changed so much in the last two years that I don't recognize myself let alone know how to be me.

While we're talking about being me, let's just go ahead and wrap our minds around how being me is not a picnic, regardless of how amazing I sometimes lead people to believe that it is. I work two jobs. I stress about how to make ends meet and how to take care of those around me because I really think that if I don't, if I drop the ball at all, then I will be left. Alone. And as I've said in previous posts, I hate being alone. I've come to terms with it. It may never change. I don't mean alone as in for a few hours, I mean an emotional island of solitude where there is no one to reach out to me, where no one wants to reach out to me where I have to shoulder the emotional burden of life all by myself. The alone where you have a heart full of love but no one to share it with... or someone to share it with but who doesn't reciprocate.

See, here's the rub. If you are giving of yourself and giving of your love and there isn't anyone pumping love and positivity back into you, then you will drain your soul and-- eventually-- turn into me. Whether the people around me love me or not, if they are not showing it in a way that makes me feel secure and appreciated and LOVED in my life, then I will wither. I always have. Telling me that you love me but treating me like you don't will not save me. Sporadically doing things to keep me hanging on will only keep me for so long. I need consistency. I need to know that I am consistently loved. Not loved when I'm doing things for you. Not loved when you finally see that my weak, broken soul is giving up. Love me all of the time. Love me even when you are angry. And show me.

Do this, and you might save me after all.

Hmmm... Day 6

The Hulk came and surprised me at Mom's on Night 3... and I spent the night when him afterwards (Don't judge me). As well as night 4. Last night however, I stayed home. My sister will be coming up this weekend, so I'm planning to stay with him so she can have 'our' room all to herself. He did ask me to move back in, but he hasn't officially declared us back together yet and it's only been 6 days. I would be fine with us being together again (I'd actually be pretty excited about it), but I don't want to move my stuff back in and stay there 24/7 yet because it's only been 6 days and I'm afraid that isn't enough time for him to work through his issues that made him want out of our relationship in the first place.

Us having some alone time does seem to be good for us... we're reconnecting with friends and we have a lot of fun when we do see each other because we aren't shoved up each others' tails.

But, secretly, I'm hoping he declares us back together again and we find a good solution to spending too much time together and still feeding my addiction to see him as much as possible.

I struggle between wanting to be with him all the time and not wanting to smother him... or have him smother me. Part of me wants things to go back to the way they were, but there's another part of me that worries that would be a bad idea because I don't want to have to go through this heart ache if he starts to feel the same way again.

I have missed spending time at Mom's and I've missed having my own space (even though this isn't my own space because I still share this room with my sister). But I can't sleep as good when I'm not in the bed with him. Even last night, I didn't sleep the whole night through. I woke up several times, tossing and turning. I don't know why he's such a comfort to me, but he is. Not all the time, granted. But sleeping next to him makes me feel so safe.

I guess we'll see how it goes. One day at a time.

P.S.~ I went and got my nails done yesterday at the place I used to go to all the time in High School and got to catch up with the man who used to do my nails. He lectured me on stressing too much and told me his secret to letting go of worry and stress. Every morning, before he leaves the bed, he thinks of a song. Each day the song is different from the day before. During the day, he lets that song run through his head to occupy his mind instead of worrying about things he cannot change.

I told him that he's brilliant. I'm still trying to decide what my song of today will be.

Home Finally... Day 3

Well Guys, I'm finally back home... I'm not particularly glad to be here though. This place holds so much memories for me and it kind of reinforces my singleness. Ick.

It was great seeing the women in my family though... they are so strong and uplifting and I seriously hope to be very much like them some day. My Auntie has the awesome ability to heal my very soul... which, right now, needs healing very much.

The Hulk just now texted me for the first time in 9 hours. I told him that I'm home... I'm still waiting to see if he wants to see me. If he doesn't, I guess it's a night in curled up watching 'Princess and the Frog' with Bella.

I know this was a short post Ya'll, but the 11 hours that I spent in the car today coupled with the fact that I can't sleep has zapped the 'writing mood' right out of me. But I said I would. I said I would write until I feel better. Maybe by Day 30 that'll actually happen... For now, no end in sight.

I hope you all had wonderful days though! Heaven help us, we can't all have days like these at the same time.

My Official Bucket List... Day 2.5

So, I've decided to compile a bucket list in no particular order. For those that are unfamiliar with bucket lists, it is basically a list of things that you want to do before you die. A life to-do list full of awesomeness and adventure... or not, depending on the type of person you are. I'm going to compile a bucket list to figure out what kind of person I am.

Run a Marathon
Go for a ride in a hot air balloon
Visit the Eiffel Tower
Become a published Author
Visit every state in the US
Learn to do a Back Handspring
Regain my ability to do the splits... and keep it
Take a Bartending Class
Become a certified Wedding Planner
Learn to Pole Dance
Go on a Cruise
Ride in a Rodeo (Again, as an adult)
Race a Nascar
Go White Water Rafting (Again)
Go Zorbing
Ride in a Helicopter
Get Hypnotized
Ride a Segwey
Ride a Camel
Have a Song written about me
Become a Cartoon Character
Go to Mardi Gras
Ride the Gondola through the Grand Canal in Venice, Italy
Get a Tattoo
Get my Belly Button Pierced
See the Northern Lights
Swim with Dolphins
Go Zip Lining
Ride an Elephant
See the Pyramids
Successfully send a message in a bottle
Buy a house
Get my degree
Maintain a successful career
Go Skinny Dipping
Take a trip to Las Vegas
Get my Concealed and Carry permit... and a gun. ;)
Visit the Harry Potter Castle
Visit Stonehenge
Go Whale Watching
See Easter Island
Kiss in the rain
Be part of a flash mob
Save a Life
Swim with Sharks
Milk a Cow
Take a photo a day for a year
Go to Carnival in Rio De Janerio
Go to a real Masquerade Ball
Be an extra in a movie
Drive down Route 66
Meet someone famous
Have a star named after me
Stomp on Grapes in a vineyard to make wine
Go see Mt. Rushmore
Go to Greece
Go Dog Sledding
Be in two places at once
See an Opera
Learn to Juggle
Have my Palm read
Go to Burning Man
Experience Weightlessness
Read 1000 books
Kiss under the mistletoe
Crowd Surf
Eat at an underwater restuarant
Drive a badass car (Ferrari, Lamborghini, Viper etc)
See the Hollywood Sign
Stay at an Ice Hotel
Go to Oktoberfest in Germany
Pet a Tiger
See a Solar Eclipse
Join the Mile High Club
Witness a Miracle
Have my portrait painted
Fall in Love

I'm sure I'll think of more, but that's a start. :)

Anxiety is out of Control... Day 2.25

Hey Ya'll!

Not even a few hours since my last post and my emotions are rampant. For a little while, I felt like I had this under control...

And now, suddenly, this random wave of anxiety just hit me. I feel insecure, unsure, and vulnerable. When I had The Hulk, this would be one of those times that I would stand closer to him because being near him made it easier... I could draw on his strength and be fine. It would help me feel like I can breathe.

Now I feel panicky and flighty and I sincerely hope that this feeling passes as soon as possible because it makes me feel desperate and needy.

No one likes 'desperate' and 'needy'... or 'panicky' and 'flighty'.

Let's hope this blows over soon.

My Old Profile... This is who I was.

"I am your average Southern belle in love with a man in uniform and so much more.

I am 23 and married to a Marine who joined the North Carolina National Guard after he EAS'd... active duty, not weekend warrior. He is my Hero and the love of my life and I am his own personal terrorist.

I'm an ECU student where I am going for my Communications degree with a business minor and then on to my masters in business management. Currently, I am also dual enrolled at Johnston Community college in an attempt to get my degree here faster. I am also a proud member of a Christian social sorority at ECU called Phi Beta Chi. 

 I am known as a deeply patriotic humanitarian. I support my country, God and our troops (especially mine). I am an aspiring wedding planner and find so much happiness in helping brides make the most of their big day. I am also a former model, equestrian, cowgirl, cheerleader, Latin ballroom dancer, coin collector and I have an addiction to coffee with liquid creamer. I am a fan of all things romantic. I love to bake and I make attempts at gardening, but my poor flowers will attest that I am not very good at it.

I devote a lot of my time to my animals and South Heartland Rescue, the rescue that I founded for Arctic breed dogs: Alaskan Malamutes, Siberian Huskies, American Eskimos, Samoyeds, and Alaskan Klee Kais. I personally have two horses, Satin and her daughter Tannon as well as my two American Eskimos, my incorrigible Bella (3) and my proper lady, Alaska (9),  a wonderful Siberian Husky, Midas (5) who is a complete Mama's boy, and my brave Points (7) a husky mix who keeps my Grandmother company but even though he doesn't live with me at the moment, he isn't far from my heart. Giving a loving home to Midas, Bella, Alaska and Points was the start of South Heartland Rescue, after my husband encouraged me to find more Nordics in need of forever homes just like our fur children once needed. 

My husband and I are child free by choice because to be honest, and I almost always am, I don't really like children. And no, we do not feel like we are missing out on anything. Our lives are content the way that they are and are getting better all the time. We are both also Christians (United Methodist), and do not care whether or not other people are. I do not judge other people as I do not feel that it is my place. Placing judgement on other people (be it for their lifestyles, religion, appearances etc) is what separates ladies from street trash. A real lady never judges a book by it's cover. Sadly, that is one of the places where me being a 'real lady' ends. 

Real ladies are obedient and polite: I am ill tempered, snide, vain, selfish and have absolutely no intention of being obedient. I am also completely and 100% Awesome. I tend to make an adventure out of everything and spend a lot of time laughing and making other people laugh. I curse like a sailor. Pink of my favorite color and I love anything that sparkles or has glitter... I'm a Barbie like that. However, I don't mind getting muddy and girls that do tend to annoy me. I ride four wheelers, get muddy and drive a large and impressive Nissan Titan.

I'm sweeter than a pitcher of tea to those I love but I can burn like good whiskey if you get me fired up! Devout Football fan, I love the New Orleans Saints (Who Dat?) and the Green Bay Packers. On game day, I can always be found cheering on Clay Matthews III, who is quite easy on this girl's eyes. I also support my college teams, The LSU fighting Tigers and the ECU fighting Pirates. I bleed purple and gold like most other ECU students. Arghh!

I love meeting new people and I appreciate all of my followers.

This blog contains the chronicles of my life: memories, dreams, explanations, tributes, goals, etc. From my heart to my blog, both in the middle of nowhere, and both  are surrounded by love, regardless of location.

Sweet tea and cookies y'all, 

Mrs. Belle"

Ughh. Day 2

Alright. Good Morning Day 2.

I still didn't sleep worth a flip.

I'm not even sure what to write about today. I know that I need to write because there is so much going on in my head that I can't seem to sort it all out... but I don't know what to write about. I don't know how much time I'll have to devote to this particular post because I'm waiting on my Grandmother to get back from my Louisiana relatives' room and let us know what's going on today. So I hate to delve into a deep topic only to have it interrupted half way through.

Maybe I need to sort out why I'm so addicted to... no names... so we'll call him 'The Hulk'. Why does he have such a hold on me.

For starters, and this is a biggy, the sex is amazing. Literally. Granted, the list of people I've been with is limited to... well... two, but still. We connect so well when we are intimate. I'll spare Ya'll the details but... It's literally amazing.

Secondly, he makes me feel safe. He has very high protective instinct and I know that I'm safe when I'm with him. No one can hurt me and I've always got back up. I know that anyone or anything dangerous that's after me, has to come through 6 foot of muscle and determination and I know that he'd do anything to make sure nothing happened to me. I feel so safe with him. That's a big deal for me. A very big deal.

Thirdly, I'm very attracted to him. Like takes my breath away attracted. I'm talking butterflies in the stomach, stare at him and drool a little attracted. That's new.

Fourth, We have a lot of passion- whether we are fighting (my least favorite part) or making love (my favorite part), we do it with passion. We burn hot. Like fire and gasoline.

Fifth, he's challenging. Sometimes I wish he was a little less challenging, but whatever.

Sixth, he doesn't leave me alone. A few hours here and there, yeah sure but I don't have to worry about him leaving me for almost a year at a time to deal with everything alone. He's here. With me. A solid presence in my life and I don't have to keep watching him walk away never knowing if he'd make it back to me in one piece or not. Every time the ex Mr. Bell left, it broke my heart. Over and Over and Over. Don't get me wrong, I was proud of him and what he did... but I worried and it hurt me every single time. The feeling of being married but alone, sucks. To be married but lonely, is awful. The Hulk is here and for a little while, I wasn't lonely. I can't tell you what a comfort that is.. and how much better having him with me has made in my life. How much better his strength and comfort makes me feel.

To be fair (and I'm all about that) Let's look at a few of the not so great tickets.

Well... let's start with the fact that he is emotionally unavailable, since that's why I find myself sitting here single to begin with. He and his ex were together for as long as me and the ex Mr. Belle were and he isn't healed from the break up and he isn't healed from all of the hell that was in that relationship. I tried to help him get better, but I guess being with me ended up making it worse. He can't love me like I need him to while he's still hung up on his past. That, ladies and gents, is our biggest problem.

Our second biggest problem is his temper. He has a bad temper and when he gets fired up, it's a struggle for him to control it. Usually, he handles his temper by saying God Awful things that he doesn't mean... but that hurt me none the less. It's gotten better since we've been together... and he's told me before that he feels less angry now than he used to. I'm hoping that it will continue to get better... whether we get better or not, I'm hoping HE will continue to get better.

Third, he's younger than me so we're at two different spots in life... kind of. We're almost at the same place, but not quite. Example, he's at the point in his life when he will get up and go to work and work his tail off even when he would rather go do something fun or stay home and sleep, but he's not happy about it and it bothers him that he can't go out and do whatever he wants to do to validate his 'party side'. But he's getting there... he's changed so much since we got together and he's gotten so much better that it's amazing.

Fourth, we have a lot of external factors working against us. Lack of funding, broken vehicles, family drama, friend drama, and his past lurking around in the shadows don't help. When we can be together and just be us without the whole world pressing in, it's great.

Fifth, he's not particularly romantic. I wish he was, but for the most part he maxed out his romantic side on his previous relationship and I guess he doesn't see the point anymore. Meanwhile, I need it.



But ya'll... even with all the negative stuff, the positives out weigh it. Yes we fight. Yes his past is always chasing him around and sometimes wedges itself in between us. And I know he isn't always romantic when I desperately need him to be... but when he is, it's amazing. When he holds my hand, I can barely breathe with the butterflies. When I'm crying and he actually comforts me and holds me and tells me it will be okay, it sets my whole world right. When he strokes my face or gives me a sweet kiss or when I catch him looking at me like he can't see anyone else or when I touch his face and he snuggles against my hand... I melt. My heart stops. And it makes everything else seem unimportant.

And I love being there for him. I love how we offset each other... when I'm weak, he's strong. When he needs support, I'm there and I'm all over it. I wake him up foar work. I scratch his back. When his world goes crazy, I'm right there to help center it. I try so hard to be everything he needs when he needs it because sometimes he's everything that I need.

I can't explain it, but I'm tied to him. There's something there that I don't understand and it binds me to him... even though I shouldn't be. He doesn't want me... can't love me the way he should. The fact that a memory came in between us should be enough to infuriate me. I should have no problem walking away.

That's the crazy part... I can't. I can't just walk away. It's pitiful and ridiculous. I've never been weak and yet, here I am. Weak. Pitiful. I can't even remember who I am because I'm so wrapped up in a man and I can't get him out of my mind. For the past months, I've relied on his strength and now I don't have any of my own.

It's like an addiction. Like being on a drug. I know exactly how an addict feels, except when an addict wants to partake in their addiction, the addiction never turns them down. I'm not quite that lucky.

I don't know where we'll be when I get back from Georgia in a few days. Part of me so badly wants to see him... but I don't know if he'll want to see me. I want to fall right back into his arms (and into his bed, don't judge me) but I don't know how he feels and I don't want to wreak any more hell on our hearts if it wont help us. I don't want to run to him if it's going to set him back on this healing process that he's trying to accomplish by being single and I don't want to get my hopes up and open up to him again if I'm going to get turned away or hurt again...

But ya'll, I want him. Still. I miss him... so much. I hope he misses me... but that's not really his style. Sheesh, I sound like a lovesick teenager and it makes me want to roll my eyes at myself. I just don't know what in the hell to do... or think... or feel.

That's the worst part of being lost... is the not knowing.

**Edited to add: Sorry for the conflicting tenses... In my mind/heart, we still aren't a 'past tense' thing, even though facebook says otherwise. I also want to apologize for the scatteredness of my post... it's hard to get my thoughts in a line right now.

Oh for Heaven's Sake... Day 1.5

I can't sleep. Isn't that the most pitiful thing ya'll have ever heard? I can't sleep without him. I don't know where he is or what he's doing or how he feels and even though I know that it logically shouldn't matter, it does. Plus, it doesn't feel right without him next to me. Crazy, right?

So, I guess I should use this time to do something productive on my path to bettering myself.

How about a list?

A list of... things I want to do.

Publish a book
Have a star named after me
Go on a cruise
Go to New Orleans and Party it up
See Mt. Rushmore
Pet a dolphin
Do something heroic
Live a love story
Learn how to belly dance
Get a tattoo
Pierce my belly button
Have a successful job
Get my degree
Make up my own signature cocktail
I want to travel
I want to be the center of someone's world

Okay, oddly enough this list is depressing me. I can hardly think of things that I want to do. Plus, he's texting me and that is extremely distracting.

I'm hopeless.

Catching Up... Day 1 Being Alone

Hi Everyone....

It's been a while, and there's so much for me to catch ya'll up on. The long and short of it is... I'm lost.

Since I posted last, my husband went to Afghanistan for 9 months and we separated when he got home last December. Since then, he has found a new girlfriend and they are expecting a baby this coming December. I was dating a guy that started out as a friend of mine a long time ago... but he had just gotten out of a long relationship too and hadn't healed when we started dating, so he decided yesterday that he needs to be single to sort out his feelings and get his life together. And I completely understand... but it still hurts. He made me feel... safe. Protected. Like I wasn't alone. I had someone and I had someone strong... strong enough to take anything that was thrown at him. That was Yesterday.

Today, I'm alone.

My mother brought to my attention that I hate to be alone. Which, I do. Despise it. That was the biggest problem when I was married... The ex Mr. Belle was always gone and it was hard on me. Being lonely is hard on me. Now, I have no choice but to learn how to be alone. To learn how to be me.

I haven't been alone (without a man... husband or boyfriend or something) since I was like 16. That's 11 solid years of boyfriends and a husband. That's almost half my life. I have no clue how to be alone... that's why it terrifies me. I don't feel safe alone. I don't feel secure alone. I don't feel okay alone. All I feel is... panicked.

And heartbroken.

So, I'm taking a trip with my family for a few days down by Atlanta. We're going to pick up my great Aunt. The women in my family are strong and brave and smart and maybe some of that will rub off on me. They've always been able to heal me before, maybe they can help me start the healing process again. Because, Ya'll, I feel broken. Horribly, Horribly broken. My heart, my soul, my spirit. Between my failed marriage and my failed relationship and my trouble with work and school and my truck being broken down (more on all of that later... I'm just getting started)... I just don't know where to even begin to fix this mess that is my life.

I guess I should start by getting up and brushing my teeth. They'll be here in an hour and I need to be ready.

Happy Thanksgiving All!

In honor of Thanksgiving, I decided to write down 10 things that I am truly thankful for:

1) My Husband- He is my Hero.

2) My Family/Friends- No Cliche. Seriousness. Without a strong support system, it's difficult to succeed.

3) Having a reliable vehicle for transportation. A girl at my work is currently without wheels and it's easy to underestimate the value of a running vehicle until you are stuck at home.

4) My Home. It's no mansion, but it is nice to have a 'safety zone' or 'bubble' where I can come in and unload.

5) My Cell Phone- It's an extension from my hand... I literally feel handicapped when it is dead.

6) My dogs. Their unconditional love is the best comfort in the world.

7) Romance Novels. Because sometimes, you just need to disappear into another world where fairy tales do exist.

8) Clay Matthews III- Because we all need something to lust after occasionally.

9) Coffee with flavored liquid creamer- Makes my mornings 100x better!

10) My safety. A lot of people in the world do not have the luxury of feeling safe... which is tragically sad. I love that I can lay my head down at night in my comfortable bed and know that I am in no danger between ADT, my dogs, my gun and my badass husband. :)

What are you all thankful for?

Weekend Recap: Mountains!

I was kidnapped over the weekend.

Yes folks, taken from my home by suprise and the culprits were none other than my dear mother and grandmother. We stayed at the wonderful Parkview Lodge and I loved it and highly recommend it to ANYONE that is headed up that way. I can assure you all that I will always stay there. They are pet friendly, and allow up to 3 pets per room. They have rooms and cabins with a free continental breakfast (try the pumpkin bread! Scrumptious!) and the hosts are wonderful people. They have a large selection of fine wines and beer, and a ridiculously cute little white dog that loves to play with the guests and a sweet Golden Retriever who enjoys sleeping in. It is an all around family atmosphere that gives you the impression of being very welcome and at home.

All in all, it was a rather productive weekend aside from the fact that we got lost on the Blue Ridge Parkway (FYI: once you get on there, unless you can find an exit that you know, you are STUCK). We went to Linville Caverns first and Howard, our tour guide, was just as cute as he could be and was hysterically funny! I found myself giggling more than once at his cave humor.

Then we went and got on the Blue Ridge Parkway where we were stuck until we got to Blowing Rock, NC. Aside from the frustration of being stuck, it was a beautiful drive and some of the trees were even holding snow. Blowing Rock was beautiful and we went to Doc's Rocks where I mined for my fortune. I did not find my fortune, but I did find some nice sized rubies, emeralds, and saphires. The staff was very knowledgeable and their resident dogs (Rowdy and Pheobe) were quite friendly and abundantly cute! There is also an in house coffee shop and I can personally vouch for their white hot chocolate. Yum! Doc's Rocks is definitely somewhere that I will be revisiting and is worth the drive up to Blowing Rock all on it's own.

We also visited a few little fruit stands in Blowing Rock, had some Italian Food, and in just a short drive found ourselves in Boone, NC. We went and visited Appalachian State University, which was a gorgeous campus settled into a gorgeous valley. Apparently we are good luck, because App State whooped up on Georgia Southern while we were watching the game and eating some delicious Sushi at Makoto's Japanese Steakhouse and Sushi Bar. We were also able to see Grandfather Mountain, which is quite a sight if you've never seen it! It really does look like a grumpy old man asleep on the side of the mountain! See the face?

We were also able to visit Mast General Store, which is a great shopping experience for anyone who enjoys candy, outdoors, house wares, apparel, and home made jellies, jams, butters, and preserves. I got some scuppernong Jelly, Huckleberry Jelly and Strawberry Butter and let me assure you... legendary! I also bought a great flannel PJ set for the hubby, a few pairs of regular PJ pants, and a pair of long johns with the fanny flap on them. Yes readers, that happened and I will never forget how hard he laughed when he opened them. I haven't been able to coax him into them yet, but it's only a matter of time. :)

The Flannel PJ Set

The Infamous Fanny Flap PJ's

All in all, it was a great weekend and I cannot wait to come back up with my husband. Hopefully we can come up soon and get snowed in a cabin. Romantic weekend anyone?

Recovering from Pet Loss part 1

I've been doing a lot of research online and looking for ways to deal with pet loss, specifically pet loss that carries a lot of guilt.

Euthanasia is the king of guilt. I'm pretty sure that no one makes that decision and walks away guilt free, even if it was what was best for the pet involved.

One of the things that was suggested for me, was to make a list of all the ways that I made Alaska happy/ spoiled etc.

1) Alaska loved to lay in the sun on the grass and I indulged her every chance I got.

2) Alaska loved to ride in the truck, so I took her everywhere with me.

3) We took Alaska on long and short road trips.

4) Even though Alaska was on a prescription diet, I still fed her things that she loved... like French Fries.

5) We bought Alaska orthopedic beds... a lot of them. The more uncomfortable she got, the more we tried to find beds that would make her more comfortable. In the end, she had a bed in every room.

6) I talked to Alaska quite a bit... and I payed her a lot of attention.

7) I snuggled Alaska a lot and I pet her every chance that I got. I feel certain that she didn't feel ignored.

8) I loved playing with her when she was well enough. Usually it would consist of me gently ruffling her fur and her swatting at me with her front paws.

9) Everyone that passed through my house, loved on and doted on Alaska. I made sure of it.

10) I made sure that Alaska had chew toys... even though she only had like one tooth, she loved raw hides!

In general, I doted on Alaska. I made sure that if she wanted or needed anything, she had it. I spent so much of my time taking care of her, loving her, petting her etc that I'm not even sure what to do with my time now.  It's weird not having her here making her little bleating lamb noises and waddling along after me as I cross from room to room. It's weird not calling for her when I get home. Or not putting her in the truck with me when I run to the post office or go for a weekend at my Grandmother's house. Even not having her sleeping on the rug outside of my shower or laying in the hallway in front of the door... it's just odd not having her here.

Isn't it crazy how much one small, elderly eskie can make such a huge difference in your life?

Sweet Tea and Cookie's, Ya'll!
The Still Grieving,
Mrs. Belle

Ipod Must Haves!

Okay, to take a break from my sadness over the passing of my little dog and to give my readers a break from my weeping, I am updating my Ipod today.

Over the past few weeks, I have been keeping a list of songs that I like on my phone. So, I thought that I should post some of the songs that I'm crazy over right now.

Note: I'm a country music fan... so be warned! :) Though, I do have quite a few NON country must haves such as:

I love you like a love song- Selena Gomez
Party Rock Anthem- LMFAO
Jet Lagged- Simple Plan


I absolutely LOVE cranking 'Party Rock Anthem' in my Titan... AWESOME!

Now, on to my country loves:
Rise Up- Jeff Bates
Friends with Tractors- Rodney Atkins
Somebody's Chelsea- Reba Mcentire
Hell on Heels- Pistol Annie's
Love you Through it- Martina McBride
Underdog- The Lost Trailers
He's Mine- Rodney Atkins
Why Don't we just Dance- Josh Turner
I love you this big- Scotty Mcreery
The Trouble with Girls- Scotty Mcreery
There you have it- Blackhawk
Take it off- Joe Nichols
Going through the Big D- Mark Chesnutt
Love Done Gone- Billy Currington
Don't Close your eyes- Keith Whitley
Keep on Loving you- Steel Magnolia
Are you Gonna kiss me or not- Thompson Square
Home- Dierks Bentley
Like my Dog- Billy Currington
For Pete's Sake- Jason Matthews (TEAR JERKER!)
Red Solo Cup- Toby Keith
Storm Warning- Hunter Hayes
Shake it for me- Luke Bryan
Crazy Being Home- Mark Wills
Camouflage- Brad Paisley
Wanna take you home- Gloriana


And the number one song that I MUST HAVE on my Ipod ASAP?

'Remind Me' by Brad Paisley featuring Carrie Underwood.

LOVE IT!

What songs are you all craving right now?

Sweet Tea and Cookie's, Ya'll!
Mrs. Belle

Hang in There Followers!

... my blog is not always this sad and depressing.

It will pick up as soon as I stop grieving.

Hang in there.

Sweet Tea and Cookie's, Ya'll!
Mrs. Belle

Happy Birthday to Me...

Today is my 24th Birthday and... it feels just like every other day.

Isn't it odd that after your 21st Birthday, you don't really have another milestone until you're 40? Birthdays in between them just kind of... pass. I miss being able to have a big birthday party with cake and presents and all my childhood friends. Now we are all so different that it would be odd if we were all in the same room again for a party.

But remember how awesome childhood birthday parties were? Pinatas, games, a table full of presents? And then, you reach an age where you want to be 'grown up' and have 'grown up' parties... like boy/girl parties, co-ed sleepovers, alcohol...

Then you get 'grown up' and you want your childhood parties back. Back when you didn't have to plan it, worry about who will get along with who, who will pay for what, etc etc.

Where is the fun?

My Mom and my sisters are coming up tonight and my friend bought me a cake. Mr. Belle gets to leave the armory 2 hours early. So, I will have family here and a few friends and I'm sure we will have fun. A little shopping, dinner, cake.

Maybe for just a little while, I can stop thinking about Alaska and crying.

Wish me luck.

Sweet Tea and Cookie's, Ya'll!
Mrs. Belle

Pet Loss

Feeling slightly better today. I still don't feel human, but better.

I've been reading up on grieving over pets and the first step is being honest about your feelings. I feel guilty. Guilty that maybe I should have tried harder, been willing to get a second opinion, spent more, done more, stayed up all night with her more. I feel regretful that I did not do those things. I feel regretful about the decision that I made. I mean yes, I made the decision with the support of the veterinarian and everyone else that knew Alaska. But.. as soon as I said it, I felt my heart break and I immediately wanted to take it back... to beg, barter, borrow, and steal from the Lord for her health.. I feel saddened that she is not here. I feel lonely... she was my constant companion for so long. I feel angry at God that I prayed for her health and he didn't help me. I feel selfish... like I should have done more and didn't because it would inconvenience me. This last one is ridiculous... even as I write it, I know it. If there was ANYTHING I could have done to save her and make her healthy, I would have. I would have done whatever it took, whatever the vet suggested. I feel dirty... because that little dog with the sweet face trusted me so much and I took her trust and had her euthanized.

I knew she was getting sicker. She was losing weight. She was having trouble moving around. She was having trouble finding a way to lay down and get comfortable... even on extraordinary amounts of pain pills. Her little leg was swelling bigger and the infection in her butt was getting worse, regardless of the antibiotics. She would lay awake and whine and cry at night... and I would get up and sit with her. I would pet her little head, or pick her up and put her in her bed if she was laying on the floor. She would look at me with her sweet little face and I would pet her and talk to her until she fell asleep again. I knew it was only a matter of time. I was hoping that she would pass quietly in her sleep one night... at home, in her bed. I thought we could keep her comfortable on pain medicine until her time came.

I was not expecting this trip to the vet to be the last one. I had no idea that this would be the end. I know that all of the resources I've found said not to cry or it might upset your pet... unfortunately though, I could not help myself. Life without my little dog was and is too lonely for me to imagine. She used to follow me around the house and bleat like a little lamb at me. If ever there was another animal that was comparable to Alaska, it was a little white lamb. She was silent, except for her occasional bleating and when she dreamed... she would 'Boof' quietly in her sleep. She had the sweetest face... and eyes that always looked so innocent and trusting.

One of the first times I knew that I desperately loved this little dog  was the first time she did her little trick to get attention. It was right after we picked her up from the Bladen County Shelter. I was sitting on the couch and she came up to my leg and was wagging ecstatically, when I didn't pay her any attention, she sat down and patted me with one small, white furry paw. She would sort of wave it at me and pat me with it. Then, for good measure, she added the other front paw to the mix. So I was getting waved at and gently patted with two small white paws and being smiled at with a toothless little smile. Is it even possible not to love that?

I miss the way she would clean her little face... if ever there was a little dog who was born to be a lady, it was her.

We bonded through her first surgery to remove a bladder stone the size of an orange from her little bladder... and when she recovered, she was a new dog! She would go to the restroom in the mornings and RUN back to the house. Yep, RUN! Run as fast as her little legs would carry her with her little pink tongue hung out of her toothless mouth. Sometimes she would snorful around in the grass and roll around and play and she was so happy.

Then she got bitten by a diseased tick. Ehrlichiosis. Sadly, she never truly recovered. It attached her little aged joints and put her in chronic pain. We put her on pain medicine and physical therapy. We bought orthopedic dog beds for nearly every room in the house, and added a prescription diet.

She had another surgery on her bladder to biopsy it and take a tumor off of her eye. Everything came out normal... but my little dog was still not running and playing. About a month ago, she came down with doggie hemorrhoids, as a result of her being on so much pain medicine and it causing constipation. Also, one of her back legs was swollen. At the vets office, we added antibiotics, a laxative, and a topical spray to her list of medicine. We thought her leg was just fluid build up... more physical therapy was the prescription. I bought her a kiddie pool and a life jacket for her to swim in. She was not a fan of swimming, but she did enjoy laying in the sun to dry off.

Monday I noticed her licking herself a lot... so I took her to the groomer so that she could have her hiney shaved so that I could see what was going on, better apply medicine etc. Once the shaving started, we could tell that it was badly infected AND that she had started chewing on that back leg. So, I knew that the pain meds were not working and that it had been paining her.

So we sat in the waiting room at the vets office. Every time I got up, Alaska would try to head for the door to leave. Maybe she knew... I don't know. When we were called, we went back and sat in the exam room. I thought that they would just give her some stronger medicine... I had no idea that it would be so serious. But, sadly, her temperature was normal... meaning whatever was in her leg causing her pain was likely cancerous. To treat the infection in her hiney, they would have had to put her on something that would hinder her immune system, which would let the cancer run rampant and eat her alive. So it was either treat her hiney and let the cancer eat her, or treat the cancer and let her butt rot out from under her. My heart... broke. Into a million pieces. Here it was... the moment when I knew that I couldn't save her anymore. I couldn't make her happy anymore. I couldn't even keep her comfortable. The vet tried to console me: He told me that I had done more than any other owner that he had ever known. That I had done all that I could.

I signed the paper in a fog. I cried like a baby. I held my little dog and in those last moments, all I could think to tell her was that I am so sorry. The vet asked if I wanted to wait for my husband to get there. I shook when I told him No... to please go ahead and do it before I change my mind. Before I lose my courage. The nurse tried to comfort me... and I tried to be brave so not to upset my Alaska. I couldn't. She watched questioningly when he shaved her front leg for the shot. I pet her head while he started pushing it in. When he started to pull it out, she yelped and bugged her eyes out... like she was in pain or panicked. At the same moment, he said 'She's gone'. My knees came out from under me and I sank to the floor where I continued to rock and cry. To their credit, they did what they needed to do. They removed Alaska in case she made any more noises, took her in the back, closed her eyes, and settled her into her bag and into her box/coffin. They even marked which end was her head. Meanwhile, the nurse came back in and held me while I cried. She told me that Alaska never felt it... that it was just her letting out all the air in her body and that sometimes the way that their muscles contort makes it look painful. I was inconsolable. She told me that I had done all I could do... all that anyone could ever do and offered to carry Alaska out for me. I gave her the keys to my truck and she placed Alaska in the floor right where she had lain so many countless other times we had ridden around.

I barely remember paying the bill. Or the ride home. Or posting it on facebook. Or the family and friends that called. I remember going to buy her headstone... it reads "If love could have saved you, you would have lived forever". Perfect.

We buried her next to CJ under the Bradford Pear tree.

Since then, I have cried. And cried. And cried. I've reached out to people as often as I feel that I can, but more often than not I just want to lay in my bed and be snuggled by Mr. Belle and cry.

Now, I'm sitting her blogging... and crying some more. Today is my 24th birthday and all I want is my little dog back and healthy.

Sweet Tea and Cookie's, Ya'll.
Mrs. Belle

RIP Alaska

Yesterday was a horrible day.  Long story short, I had to make a terrible decision... I had to put Alaska down.

I love that little dog. I doted on her every chance I got and she loved me more than anything else in the world. Even if I was in the restroom, she would come lay in the doorway or lay on the rug outside of my bathtub. She loved to be in my presence and I loved having her with me.

I knew her health was failing... but I really hoped that she was just going to pass in her bed peacefully. No such luck. I was petting her when they gave her the shot and the most awful part? She yelped. The vet said that she never felt it and that she just yelped as a way of letting out air but... I saw her face. She looked like she was in pain. I am devastated that her last conscious thought may have been 'Ouch, that hurts!'.

I'm not going to lie... when she yelped, my knees jello-ed right our from under me and all I could do was sob uncontrollably. There is nothing worse. Ever.

I feel like a murderer. I know that she trusted me and I feel like I betrayed her. She didn't look at peace when they came in... she looked confused.

And yes, people have told me that I did the right thing. My vet told me that I did the right thing. My family, my friends... but it is not consoling me.  To me, it doesn't matter how much time, effort and resources I put into her... it was all for nothing if she thought for one second at the end that I didn't love her. If she thought for one second that I had disappointed her or given up on her, then I did not do my job.

I cried all night. Even with sleep medicine, I couldn't sleep. This morning, my eyes were swollen shut. I feel achy. I have wept all day. Every time I see her empty bed, every time I get up to move and I don't hear her following me. Every time I look outside and see that upturned earth over her grave.

I am just... devastated. My heart is broken. I miss my little dog. I want her back. Even after I told the vet that we would go through with it, I immediately wanted to take it back. I wanted it to not be happening. I was in shock when I signed the paper... I couldn't believe that I was about to do this to my little dog.

She loved me so much and I put her to sleep. People can say it was mercy, or unselfishness, or whatever... at the end of the day, she's still gone and I still ache for her.

I just... can't even write anymore. I can't see the screen because I'm crying so hard.

Angels Everywhere?

So, I've decided to toss some religion out there in my blog today. Kinda..

Anyway, I was on a hunt for a long line bra today to wear under my dress for the ball tomorrow and my search landed me at Belk at one point. Well, I was clumsily explaining to the 'fit specialist' in the bra section what I was looking for, and that I would settle for a different undergarment if it would have the same effect. As those of us 'fluffier' women know, trying to explain to another woman about ANYTHING that involves our weight, fat rolls, back fat, etc is hellish and should be used as a form of capital punishment... it ranks up there with some of the most uncomfortable necessary conversations in the world.

So anyway, I'm there talking to this employee and explaining to her my undergarment needs, when another lady stepped up. She had been hovering so that she could ask a question to the employee and happened to overhear my problem and offered up a few suggestions. I think that she realized my mortification, and perhaps noticed the embarrassed flush creeping up my neck (I was not embarrassed that she had heard, just that I was having to have this conversation at all) and she told me that in no way am I fat and that I should embrace myself that I was beautiful. It was such an unexpected, great thing to say at a time when I needed to hear it.

I know that a lot of people tell other people that they are not fat, look great in those pants, etc out of obligation... but this was not it. She was honestly sincere. It was in her eyes... she meant it! She even hugged me and, oddly enough, it made me feel better. It was one of those things where I came home and looked at myself in the mirror and thought "You know what, not so bad...".

So, long story short, angels are everywhere. :)

Sweet Tea and Cookie's, Ya'll!
Mrs. Belle

Weekend Recap: Bachelorette Party/ Family Birthday Party

This weekend went pretty quick... way too quick if you ask me!

Friday night was Courtney's bachelorette party and it was my job as the Matron of Honor to make sure that it was AWESOME! So, we started out the night with a Pure Romance party, 106 Jello shots (22 of which were consumed by yours truly) and friends. A bunch of our sorority sisters were there, and it was a blast! We had the jello shots shaped in penis form, there were penis carrot cake cupcakes (Delish!), penis straws, and penis games. We had Mr. Party Pecker, which consists of a blow up strap on penis and three blow up rings that you attempt to hook him with and Bachelorette dare bingo. At one point, I had to put an ice cube down my pants until it melted... and trust me, it takes longer than one would think! I was adorned with a penis whistle necklace and a penis crown (which I promptly broke trying to put it on my head and the groom to be had to try to patch it together for me) and Courtney had a matching necklace to mine and a penis veil. Since the wedding colors are caribbean blue, pale yellow and white: Courtney wore white, the wedding party wore blue, and the other guests wore yellow. Clever, huh? I thought so. :)

Our Pure Romance rep, Sarah, was great and very patient with me who could not keep my mouth shut to save  myself. If anyone is interested in purchasing any Pure Romance products, let me know and I'll pass you along to Sarah.  This was the only point in the evening when I might have had a slight buzz... I'll touch on this later. I bought a new lubricant called 'Just Like Me' and it is super cool. It's supposed to feel natural and when it dries out, you lick it and it goes right back to being all slippery and wet. I got the blueberry flavor and it is quite tasty. :)

After our rep had packed up and everyone put in their orders, we prepared to go downtown. We started out at a smaller bar, Levels and then moved on to Rehab. Rehab has entertaining bartenders, tasty drinks, three stripper poles, a VIP area, quite a few flat screens, and a large dance floor.

The downside to this whole night? I fear that I am too old to party with my sisters. I drank more than any one person should be able to hold (22 jello shots, a hurricane, a Midori sour, a trash can, a sex on the beach and a red headed slut) and still didn't catch a decent buzz (at no fault of the bartenders, they did NOT skimp me). I really think that it was because I was worried about keeping up with my sisters and the Bride to be. Now, do not misunderstand, I had a great time! I met awesome people, partied with my favorite people, and danced on a stripper pole... does it get better? Not really. But, apparently I am at the age where I would rather sit at the bar and drink and talk to the people around me than go stumble around the dance floor. When did that happen? I've always been a good dancer and dancing is one of my favorite past times... so then when did I start preferring the bar? Then again, it wasn't packed in there so it wasn't like I was dancing for a crowd and I always prefer a performance as opposed to just shaking my rump for myself.

Anywho, then we went to Sup dogs. Now, let me set the scene. It's 2 AM, in this tiny little convenience store-turned-burger stand with like 100 drunk college kids in there and... I HAVE NEVER HAD A BETTER BURGER IN MY LIFE! No, seriously, get in your car, grab a few bucks, and drive to Greenville, NC to Sup Dogs. I ordered some kind of western cheese burger will grilled onions and bacon. The bacon was like Canadian bacon, the onions were perfect and the burger was messy and AMAZING. It was one of those burgers that was greasy and awesome in the kind of way that you never want it to end! Note: Not greasy like McD's where you kind of grimace at it... no, the kind of messy where you are just enthralled by it and you want to eat them until you cannot breathe and they stop your heart. It is THAT good. It will change your life. Yes. Change. Your. Life! And no, it wasn't the alcohol talking... sadly, as much as I had drank, at this point I was stone cold sober. It's not just 'drunk food'... its awesome, all the time, every day possible food.

We finally all made it home at roughly 3:30 AM. I crashed on the extremely drunk Bride-to-Be's couch and preceded to be tortured by her cats... who I'm am now certain are sleep deprivation terrorists. Little bastards. Cute, Furry, little bastards.

Saturday morning, specifically the ride home, was a blur for me. From home, we headed down to my grandmothers house with our four dogs in tow. Our first stop was in New Bern at the Petsmart (Very friendly staff!) and our dogs were a huge hit. Midas, my large and loveable golden Siberian Husky ate his weight in treats. Fry had never traveled like this, nor had he ever ridden in a shopping cart... or had so much attention paid to him. He handled it all very well... and loved every second! Bella, however, was disgruntled that she was in a cart with Fry and he was touching her... she's a brat like that... just like me, LOL! Bella actually prompted this stop. When we were on our way down 70, we passed the exit to my Dad's house and I asked Bella 'Do you wanna see Grand Dad?' and she cocked her little head to one side and smiled this big smile. I just said "well, that settles it' and I called my Dad to meet us in New Bern so that his Grand-Dog could see him. Who are these idiots that say that dogs don't have feelings?

We also stopped and purchased an XM radio... all I can say is 'How have I lived my life this long without one?'. I would also like to say that it has a Playboy talk channel that is not awesome. It's just... corny. You are more likely to laugh at it than be turned on.

We made it down to my Grandmothers where we spent the remainder of the weekend. Sunday we had a turkey dinner in honor of mine and my grand mothers combined birthdays. I got a few great gifts and got to spend some great time with my family.

Now, if I could just get rid of this head cold, I would be all set!

Marriage

As some of you know from my previous posts, Sgt. Belle and I just celebrated our 3 year anniversary. May I just say that even though it seems like these three years have flown by, I cannot tell you how much I have grown in that time. When I think of all of the things that I have known, not known, thought I knew, changed my mind about, and learned... it's like we've already lived a lifetime and we have a life time to go.

My favorite quote about marriage is one that I came up with on my own for a friend of mine: "There is no one you will love or hate as much as your spouse and there is nothing as ridiculous, or as wonderful, as being married." That, to me, encompasses most of everything that there is to know about marriage.

As much as I wish that it was a fairy tale and as much as I DREAMED of a fairy tale marriage... I am devastated to tell you, my readers, that there is no fairy tale. Tragic right? How am I supposed to be a Princess (as my Daddy always told me that I am) if there is not Friggin' fairy tale?

Answer: Very carefully ;)... but I digress.

Marriage takes work. It doesn't take work for me to love my husband... that comes naturally. I just DO love it. I do not have to try. It does take work to find compromises. It takes work to reign in my temper. It takes work to pick my battles and to overlook the little things in favor of a more peaceful household. And, most of all, it takes a lot of work to make MYSELF a better person, for both me and him.

Another tragic fact: it is not always the spouses fault. Nope. Sometimes it's your fault. Sorry to break that to you (theoretical/hypothetical you, of course) but sometimes it is YOUR fault. We all like to think that it is never our faults... I HATE when it's my fault. But sometimes it is. Sometimes, the fight is my fault and all I can do (when I realize it... because most of the time I don't realize that it's my fault until somewhere near Armageddon) is apologize. Sometimes it's his fault... and I either forgive him or he pays hell, depending on the crime. Sometimes, it's just the Cosmos. The zipper on my favorite dress ripping while A) I am wearing the dress and B) He is zipping the dress. I'm mad because my dress is ripped. He's mad because that means that I have to change and it makes us late. Whose fault? Cosmos. Did I intend to get a dress that's a little snug, No.. (well, sometimes... but that's a different story). Did he mean to go he-man and hulk up on my poor zipper and rip it from my body? Probably not. Is God sitting up there smiling about it? Yes, I do think he is. I think that God finds amusement in my life and that I am a constant form of comedic relief. Long story short, learn to roll with the punches and do not immediately point fingers at your significant other when things go wrong... Sometimes, (pardon my french) but shit just happens. Often, they are just as annoyed as you and you leaping at them with guns ablaze will likely just turn a ridiculous situation into a war.

My Grandmother gave me great marriage advice. She said that marriage is all about lines in the sand. She told me that I would spend a lot of time with a stick in my hand... sometimes I'll be drawing lines for him not to cross, sometimes I'll be adjusting or moving lines for him not to cross, sometimes I'll be erasing lines that I no longer care if he crosses, and other times I will be using the stick to whack him for crossing said lines.... and that he would be doing the same for me.

Smart woman.

So, some sage, late night advice on marriage. :)

Sweet Tea and Cookie's Ya'll!
Mrs. Belle