Friday, August 9, 2013

Hmmm... Day 6

The Hulk came and surprised me at Mom's on Night 3... and I spent the night when him afterwards (Don't judge me). As well as night 4. Last night however, I stayed home. My sister will be coming up this weekend, so I'm planning to stay with him so she can have 'our' room all to herself. He did ask me to move back in, but he hasn't officially declared us back together yet and it's only been 6 days. I would be fine with us being together again (I'd actually be pretty excited about it), but I don't want to move my stuff back in and stay there 24/7 yet because it's only been 6 days and I'm afraid that isn't enough time for him to work through his issues that made him want out of our relationship in the first place.

Us having some alone time does seem to be good for us... we're reconnecting with friends and we have a lot of fun when we do see each other because we aren't shoved up each others' tails.

But, secretly, I'm hoping he declares us back together again and we find a good solution to spending too much time together and still feeding my addiction to see him as much as possible.

I struggle between wanting to be with him all the time and not wanting to smother him... or have him smother me. Part of me wants things to go back to the way they were, but there's another part of me that worries that would be a bad idea because I don't want to have to go through this heart ache if he starts to feel the same way again.

I have missed spending time at Mom's and I've missed having my own space (even though this isn't my own space because I still share this room with my sister). But I can't sleep as good when I'm not in the bed with him. Even last night, I didn't sleep the whole night through. I woke up several times, tossing and turning. I don't know why he's such a comfort to me, but he is. Not all the time, granted. But sleeping next to him makes me feel so safe.

I guess we'll see how it goes. One day at a time.

P.S.~ I went and got my nails done yesterday at the place I used to go to all the time in High School and got to catch up with the man who used to do my nails. He lectured me on stressing too much and told me his secret to letting go of worry and stress. Every morning, before he leaves the bed, he thinks of a song. Each day the song is different from the day before. During the day, he lets that song run through his head to occupy his mind instead of worrying about things he cannot change.

I told him that he's brilliant. I'm still trying to decide what my song of today will be.


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